This past summer, I worked for a music camp that I’ve attended for the past five years as part of the counselor/security/guide/everything-you-could-ever-need team. In one of our training sessions before the camp began, one of the team coordinators (a current kindergarten teacher) went over the idea of “love languages” and how we need to read kids individually and learn what is the best way to reach them and connect with them throughout the week. We took a quiz to see our own love language breakdown, and then discussed each language individually – quality time, physical touch, words of affirmation, receiving gifts, and acts of service.
The languages are pretty self explanatory, illustrating five different ways that people feel appreciated or loved and will react positively to.
Quality time is spending time with each other – just at home, out and about together, you name it, just as long as you are spending time.
Physical touch is any kind of physical contact – hand on a shoulder, pat on the back, holding hands, kissing, etc.
Words of affirmation is just that – a simple thank you, expressing your feelings for the other person, congratulating them, any words to show appreciation.
Receiving gifts – I tend to associate this with a “they are thinking about me” mentality; by receiving gifts, you know the other person appreciates you.
And acts of service – anything to help other people, donate your time, do something for someone else so they don’t have to; and receiving such acts from other people.
After the quiz, she used some of her current students and teaching scenarios to illustrate. She told us of a boy who drew pictures for each and every student in his class and secretly put them in the students’ backpacks. This same student donated ALL of his Halloween candy to the fire department, because he figured the firefighters would like candy too, and he made get well cards for hospital patients during Christmas. This boy is an amazing example of “acts of service.” Another student acts out often in class. I had never thought from this perspective before, but she was right – acting out was a way of getting more one-on-one interaction with her, placing him in the “quality time” bracket.
Since she pointed the languages out, throughout that entire week, it amazed me how each child was different and how some were easy to read their love language, and others were more complex. (And this is extremely beneficial to see from a teaching standpoint – it helps you know which kids to give more attention to, and knowing how to not coddle their love language too much)
I recently retook the quiz (just for grins and giggles, making my boyfriend take it too), and found a relationship-based quiz instead. (There is also a quiz on here for if you are single, or if you want to give it to a child)
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/
I scored highest in words of affirmation, followed a point behind by physical touch, and then a point behind in quality time – the quiz I took at camp had them in a slightly different order, so I think they are pretty interchangeable for me. Though, in discussing them with my man (he had the same three categories, ordered – quality time, physical touch, then words of affirmation), those three categories seem to relate very closely, and in a healthy relationship, all three tend (and should) be shown together. Physical touch can be in a fleeting moment by itself, or often accompanied with a word of affirmation, and generally happens when spending quality time. To include the other categories, words of affirmation and/or physical touch can be used in thanks for an act of service or in receiving a gift. Gifts can be given while spending quality time together. You can spend quality time by doing an act of service or giving gifts together. It’s important to realize that people react – to an extent – to all of the love languages, and that you shouldn’t focus entirely on one that you think your partner/child reacts to and neglect other important ones.
I hope you guys find this as interesting as me! Feel free to take the quiz and post your love language in the comments!
Dorothy Slover 